A new poem

I don’t write often, so it’s not very “good.” it is, however, always from the heart. I was feeling very mushy last night about my newest relationship.

Hold me safe and let me rest. My heart is now inside your chest. I breath deep & wipe the tears of faith renewed & diminished fears. Healthy growth & strong deep roots, may our love bear such sweet fruits.

— AMR 2019-09-15

Clarification of Intent

Content Warning: arguments, family drama, PTSD


I fail to give people the benefit of the doubt when they deserve it most: family and friends.

If people are not clear about their intent or use poor phrasing, I am likely to assume the worst.

On a good day, I breath and ask them to clarify their intentions. However, if I am under a log of stress (like I am with this divorce) I frequently fail to slow down and ask for clarification.

I really don’t enjoy being angry all the time and am trying to not be like this. I know it doesn’t always seem like that but it’s the truth. There’s where I wish other people would give me a chance.

When I fail to do this, my friends usually ask me to slow down and clarify my interpretation of the situation. I recently had a falling out with some relatives because, despite knowing me my whole life, they haven’t figured this out.

I’ve actually done enough CBT that I know what I need to do to actively improve on this. It’s not easiy but it’s doable. It’s take a couple years to master. It’s just disheartening to have other people demand that I do better immediately and while I’m under stress.

So that’s the best analysis I could come up with when I was asked to “think about what you’ve said.” Hopefully it can be a two way street of understanding and patience.

Apartment Hunting & Fun with Maps

Let’s look for an apartment

Oh, hmm. Nothing in Massachusetts. Okay.

Let’s be less picky.

Oh, ok.

What about this…

Oh. Oh dear.

Getting back into cooking rich foods. Totally messed up my roux tonight but whatever. I’ll just have to practice, hehe.

On Abuse

Content Warning: Abuse


An online friend asked a really big question:

Can abusive people be rehabilitated?

In my mind rehabilitation is changed behavior. In theory, it should be possible.

If they can genuinely apologize, that’s a start. A genuine apology should include:

  • acknowledgment that the event(s) actually happened
  • acknowledgment that their actions were harmful and abusive
  • taking responsibility for their actions
  • commitment to never do that again to anyone

Ideally, it would include remorse, but they might realize the extent of their harm without therapy.

Which brings us to the need to make real, consistent changes in their behavior. This cannot be done on their own. They are going to need therapy and help from friends and family. The therapist is going to guide them and the community needs to make sure they follow through.

No one is perfect. There may be close calls and relapses. They should genuinely apologize every single time. This process would probably take a while.

These are all very realistic steps, yet it is difficult to find genuinely reformed abusers.


Survivor’s Rights

From personal experience and talking to fellow survivors, here is what I believe to an abuse survivor’s rights:

  • survivors should only tell their story when they are ready and willing
  • survivors should never have to communicate with their abuser ever again
  • survivors should never have to be around their abuser ever again
  • survivors should never have to help rehabilitate their abuser in any way
  • survivors should never have to provide a verbal or written statement of forgiveness
  • survivors should never be blamed for the abuse they received

This list is by no means perfect but rather what I currently believe to be critical.

In Defense of KonMari

A Defense

KonMari is a call to be mindful of what you own.

Do you even realize how much stuff you have? It can be surprising to layout all your make-up or work clothes or hobby suplies. It’s probably more than you are aware of.

KonMari is a call to be mindful of how you organize your possesions.

One of the best ways to make sure you don’t have duplicates is to be organized. If you can find stuff you own that meets your needs, then you don’t need to go out and buy something.

KonMari is a call to be mindful of how you care for your possessions.

You might not “get” how she explains it sometimes but caring for what you own is a great way to avoid buy more stuff. Mending and repairing is one the most green things you can do.

KonMari is not a free pass to get what you want.

Notice how my previous points talk about not buying new stuff. KonMari is a call to be mindful of what you own so you don’t need to have or get more.

KonMari will not increase garbage.

You bought it because you needed it or it entertained you (brought you joy). Did you try repairing? Did you try recycling it? Can it be donated or resold? Just because you’re done with it doesn’t mean it has to go straight to a landfill.

Where did the stuff even come from?

It was manfactured. Companies brought it into existence before you even had anything to do with it. I would like us all to stop and think: did it even need to be manufactured to begin with? Companies need to take more responsibility of what they are churning out. They cannot simply dump all the blame on the consumers for buying it.

Breath.

Ignore the click bait articles. Ignore the bitter and scarcastic memes. It’s just a lady who has an idea on techniques for keeping organized. No one is coming to take your stuff or ruin your way of life.


Let’s Review

The key take aways of possession from KonMari are:

  • is it useful?
  • have you used it recently?
  • does it spark joy?

Pretty sure these override everything else. If you’re proud of the art you’ve made, it can stay. If you’re a mechanic, the garage full of tools can stay. Remember, these are immensely personal questions. This system isn’t here to take away your things. It’s here to remind you to think about and appreciate what you have.

Vague Posting, Episode 1

Demanding forgiveness and a fresh start is not a good look.

If you are truly sorry for your actions, you actions will improve. You will not do it again. You will try to make it right. You will try to make up for it.

Lashing out in anger that were you caught or that you are being called out on your actions is definitely not a good look either.

Yo will not diminish your actions. You will not make excuses for your actions. You will not find a way to assign fault to the other person.

Boiling tea without metal

A book I read on herbal magic said that making your infusions in metal pots could distrupt the magic. I was perplexed as I couldn’t immediately think of how I could boil water safely in a non-metal container. The solution occured to me today. My crockpot, with it’s stoneware crock, can bring water to a boil and cook for longer periods safely. So I suppose that’s my new age cauldron I’ll be using.

Back in School

I am behind in my classwork and projects. Surprise! Parenting, getting divorced, and doing school at the same time a challenge. Haha. Hopefully I can make use of the gap between Thanksgiving travel and Christmas travel to get on track.

So far I really like the Udacity program I’m doing. A lot of this is stuff I know but it’s always good to review. Learning the newest way to do things is great. I refuse to be one of those curmudgeons that refuses to learn new things.

If we don’t change, we don’t grow. if we don’t grow, we aren’t really living.
· Gail Sheehy

Really disappointed that micro.blog doesn’t have SSL generation automated yet for ActivityPub federation. Y’all need to get some cert bot action going.